In Pursuit of Healthy Loneliness

I attended my first Single's Retreat in I don't know how long. I have avoided such events like the plague. The reason for such aversion is due to my misguided fear such events are nothing more than "hook-up" events where I would feel completely inadequate and ill-equipped. While some people may  go to "Singles" events with that purpose in mind it is completely unfair of me to think that everyone I would meet would be looking for the magical diamond ring on their left finger. I can be so critical and judgmental whenever confronted by my fears. I tend to project on others in order to avoid looking within myself. I am always terrified of what I will find inside the dark places of my heart. If it were not for God's love always meeting me in the overwhelming darkness, I might never find my way out. But I do, time and time again, emerging from the tomb of my damaged emotions having heard the voice of my Friend calling me out. I can't help but respond to the sound of His voice- makes me overcome my grave clothes. He fills me with faith and always covers my nakedness.

 I was able to see this past weekend that I am not as alone as I often feel. The fact that I am single and presently am faced with the possibility of remaining single for the rest of my life does not disqualify me from being in loving community with others. I am just as much a valued and integral member of my community as any other married person. If I allow it, I am able to see the awesome gift I have been given in my singleness. Just because I do not have a partner does not mean I am incomplete or lacking. I can still be whole and effective in life without a partner...if I allow myself to be.

This weekend I met people just like myself...going through their own struggles and issues. I met people who in sharing their hearts with me told me they can go weeks without having any significant amount of touch and affection from others. It broke my heart to hear this. I wanted to empathize with them and say "Me too" but as lonely as I may feel at times, I am not deficient of wholesome embraces and touch. God has faithfully placed me, "the lonely", amongst loving families. He has given me amazing friends, neighbors, co-workers and adopted households.

I have friends who know me and see me as I am and still love me- even when I turn on them out of fear and frustration. I think of those in my life right now who meet with me and allow me the joy and comfort of their loving and nurturing embraces. We spend quality time together and share with one another from the heart.

Even though I am going through a rough patch at my workplace I have to admit I have incredible co-workers. Selfless. Loving. Affirming. Gracious towards me. Always available to receive a peck on the cheek and a cheerful hug. I appreciate them for letting me be me and the privilege of sharing in their joys and sorrows. 

It turns out this past weekend was in fact an amazing time of fellowship, strengthening of friendships, new connections, and reassurance that God faithfully "places the lonely in families". I am in a good place to say the least. Learning to embrace my singleness while reaching out to others in the pursuit of healthy community. I am very excited to see what the near future holds (can't believe I just wrote that). What a difference a day makes.


Crooked Notes by Idilio Rivera is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-No Derivative Works 3.0 United States License.