I Live to Sing Another Day

Nothing is worse than to look in the mirror and be disgusted at what you see.

I sometimes fall into the grave error of wanting and thinking I can be everything everybody else wants me to be. It causes me so much grief at not being able to meet up to the expectations of others. Friends who want you to be a better friend. Relatives who expect you to be and act towards them a certain way. Colleagues at work who leave little or no room for error in your work performance. Brothers and Sisters who are hurting, seeking answers, and look to you and your spiritual gifts to provide them what they are lacking. The list goes on and on and after awhile you find yourself so thinly spread out you wonder if anything will be left of yourself in the end to meet your own needs. How do you stop a runaway train? How do you slow down long enough to regroup and reassess your situation before having to take off running again? The answer I find in my own personal life, time and time again, is a resounding "I can't" but I know who can.

In a world where "self-divinity" (the belief that you are your own master and god) is gaining greater acceptance and as people abandon the old "archaic" ways of religion, which traditionally espouse complete and utter dependence on a higher power, I find myself, yet again, in the minority. I tried the whole "look at me...I am a god" way of thinking and living only to find myself screwing things up even worse. If I am my own god then I definitely don't have what it takes to make it on my own. This "I am a god" business may work for some but it has done absolutely nothing for me but further confirm in my being that I am not not my own. That I suck at divinity in and of myself. Everything in me testifies to the need for a helper and savior- a greater power outside of myself.

These last few days have proven to me yet again, how when I take my eyes off of God and place them on myself and my own shortcomings, I end up losing sight of what truly matters most. He came to lead the way, to show me by example the path I should walk and abide in. Unfortunately for me, this path does not come easy for me to walk out. It is not impossible though. It gets easier as I yield and learn to submit but every so often I get a case of "holy amnesia" and commit unholy acts. Actions that produce shame and guilt, which if not dealt with can and will drag me to the bottom and rob me of hope to ever get back up again.

But I get up.

I stand to my feet and call on His name...not mine.
I remind myself how much He loves me. How He cares and watches over me.
Wait patiently for Him to lift me up.

So I stand in the darkness and take courage.
Sing a song of trust as I wait for His radiance.
The light of His truth sets me free from unspoken shame

And I rise up, rise up, on wings of eagles
high above the lying and deceitful traps
and live to sing another day of His great mercy and grace.

Won't you rise up with me and together let us find rest.
The Lord of the Angel-Armies will soon reveal His glory
in us His eternal place of joy and rest.

Him in us, the Hope of Glory.
Glory.
Glory.