I don't want to give in to the lies of my emotions. I am well aware how once they get going the louder they become. I am familiar with the deafening sounds of negativity and frustration so I keep them at bay and do my best to maintain an optimistic attitude. It's very important to keep reminding myself the mantra I use to breathe and center myself..."This too shall pass...this too shall pass". And thank God it always does, which is why I have learned not to give into the persistent voices in my head. I just gotta keep working at it. Cannot give an inch to these feelings because they will drag me down and do their best to keep me down. Been there, done that and it only made my condition worse. I can hear some people reading this and saying to me: "Hold every thought captive Idilio..." and with God before me I will do just that.
It has been a struggle but one I am ready to take on. You see, I really, really, truly get it now when I tell myself: "God loves me and is on my side". No longer words floating in my mind but holy seeds which have taken root in my heart and spirit and are finally bearing fruit. I am learning patience like never before. I am learning to just let it roll off my shoulders. I refuse to take any burden not designed for me. He means it when He says: "My burden is easy and my yoke is light". I am not dealing with just any man who is prone to making promises or declaring empty words. No, the god-man I am walking this out with is wholly perfect and absolutely reliable. Can I just tell you, He has proven himself worthy in every way to me. But what really draws me to Him is His amazing ability to love me in the good times as well as the bad times. His love does not diminish or is it measured by my performance. Whether I do or I don't, his affections burn brightly for me and towards me. Don't know about you but it creates in me a deep desire to do what I can to know Him better.
Pastor Pete led us in an imaginary journey this past Sunday. He asked the congregation to close our eyes and envision Jesus. I love these types of exercises since it allows for my pent-up creativity to be unloosed and spill out into the unseen world around me. I'm the kind of guy who sees angels and demons and everything in between. I don't do it much but when I get into that place of seeing with the eyes of my spirit man, I see unimaginable things and believe it or not, human words fail me in the effort to describe what I am experiencing. So you can imagine how I jumped at the chance to close my eyes and picture in my mind what this Jesus looks like. He tends to look different a lot of times. Sometimes I envision Him as dark and imposing with eyes that almost threaten to scorch my heart when I look into them. Other times, He is completely covered in brilliant light which fills me with an unexplainable sense of reverence and awe I completely lack at other times. I know, I know, I should always be in awe of Him but the truth is His appearance varies and my response to him accordingly.
My favorite image of Him is when I see Him sitting on His throne and He is overcome with laughter! The kind of laughter that is infectious and just wants to make you want to fall on the floor and roll around in uproarious fits of uncontrollable hysterics. I guess you can say I serve a Hilarious God. He laughs at my enemies and welcomes me to draw close to Him and join in. I am learning to do so more and more often.
But getting back to this past Sunday, as Pastor Pete asked to picture Jesus and to look into His eyes, he asked us what did we see in his gaze saying to us. Well, get out the kleenex box and start wiping because there he stood before me looking very much like the image hanging in the church's lobby mural and as I looked into His eyes I was overwhelmed with a deep sense of His longing for me. Honestly, I can't remember what he spoke to me. He whispered intimate words into my ear, that much I can recall but what stands out till now, as I write this, were his hands and how he placed them on my head, like a lover about to reveal a secret. His hot breath in my ear, He held me close, closer than a friend and whispered words pregnant with love and longing. These are the moments that give me the resolve to hold on during these unsure times I am walking in. One thing is certain, He loves me and I believe wholeheartedly His love will see me through whatever it is I have to face.
Its true when it is said We become like whatever we set our affections on and the longer we gaze into that object, the more we are transformed and made like it. So be encouraged. If you are struggling right now (and who isn't) don't give up now because we are so close to receiving our great reward. But to receive what is coming to you, you have to believe He is for you and not against you. Don't let your circumstances dictate the outcome of things. We owe it to ourselves and if we do not faint we will reap a rich harvest that will overflow into the deepest confines of eternity. This is my hope and I'm sticking to it, come hell or high water and this hope does not disappoint. He will not let us down!
Crooked Notes by Idilio Rivera is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-No Derivative Works 3.0 United States License.
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