CROOKED NOTES: Wanda the Home Wrecker

I can't help but feel nothing but absolute hatred and rage towards the woman who is causing my family so much hurt. What infuriates me all the more is that she is a relative- a supposed member of my family. Granted, she is family by marriage and not by blood but all the same I am completely unnerved and indignant at the fact that she is considered family. Until recently, my sister Cindy called her affectionately "Titi" (Spanish slang word used for the more formal "Aunt" or "Tia"). Needless to say, the affection has given way now to contempt, anathema, and vile words such as slut, whore, bitch, hooker, etc. etc.

If I could get my hands around her neck I swear to you I would strangle her until the life in her was extinguished and her spirit yanked into the pit of eternal Hell; the habitation where all unfaithful adulterers and fornicators will burn for all of eternity alongside other evil-doers. I hope all the anal sex she is currently enjoying with my father is well worth it.

If I could just take my mother in my arms and hold her right now! Embrace her and hold her close to myself as I whisper in her ear how much I love her and feel her pain right now. I have felt her pain of betrayal for as long as I can remember. Wanda is by far not the first prostitute my father has laid with and tragically she will not be the last. My philanderer of a father has been unfaithful to my mother since Day one of this monstrous and grotesque marriage. He has also been abusive: verbally, mentally, and physically. As long as I live I will never be able to forget the tragic story my own mother shared with me regarding her honeymoon night. As my mother tells it, she was outside waiting to get into the car that would take my parents to their honeymoon suite. My Uncle Manny who is now deceased was speaking to my dad when my mother made a comment to my father which prompted my Uncle to respond: " And you are going to let her speak to you like that?" My mother says that within seconds all she remembers was the back hand of my father coming down on her cheek with enough force that she remembers losing her balance and almost falling to the ground, soiling her white wedding dress. From that point on the one-sided loveless marriage would be marked by welts and bruises and sometimes blood. The beatings came often, too often, too violent to be ignored or forgotten. Why my mother has continued to put up with his "womanizing" ways all these years is beyond my comprehension. I'm sure I could come up with a myriad of reasons but it won't matter or change anything.

Right now I just want to hate and lash out with all the intensity I can muster and aim it at this promiscuous ugly perverted bitch. I want to hate her for what she has done. I want to physically assault her and rip her to shreds like a pack of ravenous wolves. Yes, rip apart until nothing of this pain and death inside me is left. If only I could erase the pain it is causing my mother right now. The pain she is carrying around in silence is betrayed by her labored breathing (whenever my mother suffers emotional trauma chronic asthma ensues and strikes her down). There is more to this but right now I do not want to get into it right now.

As I write I can sense the presence and affirmation of many nodding their heads in sorrowful understanding. My Father is not the only Casanova out there. Many homes have been wrecked by woman such as Wanda. Nothing new here. How I wish I could easily forgive and move on. I know all about the power of forgiveness. I am aware of the benefits garnered by those who leave things in the Almighty's capable and expert hands. The Master of the Universe is able to heal and transform even the most darkest and hardest of hearts but right now I choose to sit with these turbulent emotions and not fear what may come of it. God will see me through this as He always has. My anchor in the storm of my emotions. May He do the same for those I love and cherish.