Zombieland Frustration

Every two hours I have to take anywhere between six to ten "dilaudid" pills in order to keep myself from having any moderate to severe pain. Every eight hours I also have to pop 200mg. of MS Contin in order to stay pain-free. My prayers have been answered, sort of. 


I am making every effort to be thankful and not complain. The problem I am encountering is the frequency and high amount of dosage I am being subjected to. My alarm clock goes off every two hours, at which time I reach for my "D" pills and after ingesting them  go into "Zombie" mode. These pills make me so drowsy that in writing this short blog I have fallen asleep at least three times. Yup, I just zonk out. I haven't timed myself but it lasts anywhere from two to twenty minutes. Can you see how frustrating that could be especially when I am trying to complete a task? Arghhhhhh...... frustrating, indeed. 


The present dosage came about from my most recent stay at the Hospital. In order to gauge and determine the correct magnitude of dosage, I was connected to a Pain Pump and told to press the button every time I needed relief from the pain. This way the Pain Management Team was able to better assess and determine the frequency and correct dose needed in order to ... (oh, oh, nap time)... 
Four Minutes later: I'm back. Now where was I? Well, you get what I am experiencing as of late, which is why I even took a day to refrain from providing status updates on Facebook. 

I am in la-la land and it is frustrating me beyond words can describe to you right now. Oh well, at least I am pain-free! More importantly and worthy of a celebratory shout is my ability to sit. Yup, I am ecstatically overjoyed in announcing to you that my 87 days of being horizontally (...here we go again...be right back)


I forgot to time how long I snoozed but I'm back. Now where was I? Oh yeah, the tumor afflicting me has grown to the point where it now protrudes somewhere in the vicinity where my scrotum and testicles mostly reside...undisturbed. TMI, I know but this is my sad reality. My cancer is not dignified in the least. Others can say without shame: " I have lung, breast, liver, etc. cancer. Even the mention of rectal or colon cancer is far more acceptable and dignified than " I have Anal Cancer". My tumor is growing  and originated in my ass...my anus. Talk about humbling. Add to that, how I have not been able to sit or participate in any activity which requires me to sit (that is about 90% of what we do, day in and day out). Praise God those days are over!


Cancer claimed yet another life today. A dear brother from my church, Michael Betancourt, lost his dear mother to this monster. Mike and his wife, Jem, stopped by for a brief visit while I was ....
hospitalized. Mike shared with me how his Mom only had days left...
I received the sad news today that she passed into the next life sometime after twelve noon....

I'm fading fast so I will leave it here and simply end with how increasingly angry I am at this damn Cancer. God, come to our rescue! Have mercy on us and pour out out a tsunami wave of healing and deliverance, in Jesus Name!!!
Crooked Notes by Idilio Rivera is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-No Derivative Works 3.0 United States License.