Momentary Afflictions

I reconnected with someone I haven't seen or heard from in years and in the exchange of the customary "How have you been?" question the million dollar question came up: "Are you Happy?"
Yes I am. I have come to the point in my life where I can truthfully say that in any situation I may find myself in, I choose to be happy and truly content. Truly.

This past year alone my eyes have opened to the reality that happiness is but a state of mind. It is an emotion coveted by the human race and one of the few pursuits built into and advocated for in our Bill of Rights as Americans. I find that to be interesting and completely understandable. Who in this life, in this world full of strife and pain, does not want to attain to the full measure of happiness? I sure do. I was  created to be happy. Unfortunately, in a broken world where human nature is altered and crippled by the effects of original sin, humanity must have to endure at times periods of unhappiness. Don't know a soul who hasn't had to wrestle with this fact and found themselves many times chasing it down. Happiness can be elusive at most. Some days, I have been known to be caught up in the vicious cycle desperately trying to be happy. Yes, even when I have felt that I had done everything in my power and followed the established protocols and expectations in order to reach that state of being, well, it was not to be had. It can make a man downright depressed!

My personal battle with anger and bitterness, served as a means of ensuring my happiness was short lived or circumvented. I could laugh and celebrate life like the best of people but at the end of the day, I found myself empty-handed and void of whatever semblance of happiness I thought I possessed. At the core, I was deeply unsatisfied with my life. I was not content with the work of my hands. I suffered from a condition known to many of never measuring up to the expectations of others and allowing that to affect and alter how I viewed and felt about myself. I based my happiness on this and it only served to make feel incomplete and unsatisfied. It wasn't until I finally reached the end of myself, and more importantly, my vain striving, that I was finally able to turn the corner. And in turning that corner I came to the following personal truths, truths which have set me free.

First and foremost, I realized I wasn't created to go at this alone. I really do need a personal God to see me through and help me maneuver the choppy waters of life. Yes, a faithful navigator. But in order to allow him to take over the reins I had to acknowledge how much He truly cares and loves me...even if life is not going my way. Too many times when things were going wrong I'd tend to blame God since He was all-powerful and could easily make my life easy and blessed if He truly loved me. I finally came to the realization that even though He does love and care for me I need to understand that it is through the hard times that I come closer to experiencing His touch in my life. Those momentary troubles and afflictions that come in with the ebbs and flows of life are the very things that allow us to see His hand at work in us. Hands working towards shaping and molding us into His perfect image. But this is a process, a painful one at that, which requires patience and time; the two components we lack the most, at times.

I've always hated how people at seeing my brokenness have tried to fix me. Deep down I resented it. I viewed it as a confirmation of how I perceived and viewed myself; unworthy and unfit to be loved. In part, I know now I gave people too much power and control over my life and my crippling issues. It wasn't until I finally found myself at the end once again considering suicide that this truth became clear to me- Brokenness is good. It is in this state that I'm able to best reflect the treasures hidden deep inside me. It is through brokenness that I am able to demonstrate faithfully that my life and the measure of the happiness I have attained or have yet to attain is not dependent on what I can or cannot do for myself but on the level of trust and faith I place on the One who loves every part of me in my brokenness. He cherishes me in my brokenness. He designed me to be whole but in the meantime, He is able to use the cracks in my foundation, as well as the gaping holes still under construction, to demonstrate His surpassing glory to others. We are all works in progress who are destined to be heirs with God and co-heirs with Christ. I believe this with all my heart and once a truth makes it down from the realm of the mind and penetrates the heart, it begins to manifest in what we do, say, and how we feel.

All this to say that I am happy now, even if I am incomplete or broken and still struggling to define my path in the journey set before me. As I shared with a co-worker this past week and encouraged her to do in her brokenness..."just accept it and let the goodness spill out and bless others". I endeavor to do this very thing which I believe will bring glory and honor to the One who I embrace with all my heart and emotions, the One I kneel before and confess as my Faithful Friend, Brother, Husband, and King. How can I not be happy with someone so great by my side?


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