Feeling feverish at the moment. I hope it doesn't get any worse. Drove up to Massachusetts to be with my family and enjoy Thanksgiving. I was feeling fine all the way here and no sooner I walk in the door my body begins to take a downward spiral. No better place to be sick than in close proximity to Mom. She always rises to the occasion and does what she knows to do to nurse me back to health. Truly thankful to have people who love me. Even more thankful to live to see healing and restoration take place between my parents and I. Honestly speaking, I never thought I'd see the day. Yet God has a way of constantly surprising me and bringing me closer to wholeness. Truly thankful.
Funny how you wait and wait for the inspiration to write to hit and when it finally does you find yourself writing about something completely unexpected. I really don't mean to stir the waters and become controversial but I can't help but want to write about the whole Gay Marriage thing. I know very well that in the circles I travel I am the minority. I wish the use of labels were not needed or mattered much but sadly, at least with me, they are used often and punitively. Case in point, when I dare to stand in the face of traditional values and conservative views and proclaim myself as how I view myself, that being a "Born-Again Gay Christian", I am immediately reprimanded, rebuked, and chastised. I am confronted with immediate opposition from the members of my own church. I am assaulted with people who have a compounding need to correct me.
"There is no such thing as a Gay Christian. You can't be both. It's either one or the other so pick a side."
Or my all-time favorite: "God is not done with you yet. You need healing and deliverance. Once you receive it, you will be free (not to mention Straight)." Well, I guess I haven't learned to receive it. This kind of response always makes me feel like I am at fault. Like I haven't tried hard enough.
Well, I may be in bondage. I am not going to deny this nor do I care to have to defend myself concerning the matter but I resent the thought that I am less than or not complete because I refuse to deny the truth about my sexuality. I refuse to pretend having no sexual and emotional attraction towards men. If I've said it once, I'll say it a million times: " I am exclusively attracted to men which in definition authenticates my labeling myself as Gay". Nor does it matter to me the fact that I have embraced my singleness and am committed to pursuing a vow of celibacy. I am presently celibate not because I believe or consider same sex attraction as inherently evil or unacceptable in the eyes of God. I am intimate with the few and scarce biblical passages forbidding or condemning homosexuality. Even so, I do not ascribe to the beliefs that men who have sex with each other are reprobates or abominable. I do believe wholeheartedly that they, like everyone else, regardless of their sexual preference or orientation, "have all fallen short of the glory of God." Whether we be, Gay, Straight, Bi, Questioning, Transgender, etc. it is my sincere belief we all need a deeper revelation of God's love towards us. Then and only then when we enter into a deep and conscious reality that we were created to love and be loved by a Merciful and Kind God are we able to experience freedom. Simply put, I am celibate because I have come to the place of receiving God's call for my life to enter into a deeper and richer relationship with Him. I say no to sex because for me it only drives me farther apart from experiencing what God has designed for me to experience alongside Him. To be the Bride of Christ in the here and now, as well as in the world to come, is my highest calling. A calling I have come to embrace and cherish in my life's journey.
Part of accepting my call and destiny as a passionate lover of God and His Son is to confront what I believe is the rampant homophobia inherent and prevalent in God's household. The Church needs to heal from its own self-righteous indignation. The pathway to Heaven needs to be cleared away of our preconceived notions. We need to stop interpreting God's mind and heart erroneously and stop shutting the door on the very ones He came to die and rise again for. Enough with the hierarchy of sins!
Recently, a vocal opponent to Gay marriage spoke up and gave his reasons why Gay marriage should not be legalized. While gracious and merciful in his response, he at least made a reconciliatory attempt by conceding to civil unions. In reading his response, I could not help but see why the Gay Rights movement compares itself to the Anti-Slavery and Civil Rights movements of old. The same arguments then are being revived and once again utilized in the defense of strictly heterosexual unions. What was once the battle against racism is now being vehemently fought in the arena of sexism.
I'm not going to pretend that I will even come close to changing anyone's mind overnight. Religious prejudice, as well as centuries old strongly held traditions and practices are never easy to eradicate. Every worthwhile battle in mankind's history has required incredible fortitude and resistance in the face of tyranny and hatred. Jesus himself said it best when he declared how "the kingdom of God suffers violence..." With that said, I would propose to the nay-sayers and unflinching critics of Same Sex Marriage that maybe the time has come to realize that just because we believe something to be absolute truth, God may be challenging and offending our minds and emotions in order to make plain to us all the foolish contents of our hearts. Maybe, just maybe, God is trying to let us know that what we hold fast to and would like nothing better to see imposed upon everyone around us, is in the end better left carried out by the Holy Spirit, the only one who is able to guide and lead us in the path of abiding truth.
I ran across the following blog and found the words spoken by T.D. Jakes echoing my own sentiments regarding this matter. He says plainly:
"Several months ago I had the privilege of appearing again on “Larry King Live.” He asked me a very poignant question, “Is this a Christian nation?” I immediately replied, “No. This is a nation with a lot of Christians in it.” Many times majority groups think that their views control the country, which for me as a Christian is a great idea. But what happens when and if the numbers switch and we aren’t the majority? The founding fathers created a democratic system that separated church from state so that, as a country, we could avoid the slippery slope of getting into the business of telling people what to believe. That is a job they left to be determined by the individual, the synagogue, the mosque and the church!
A country that has one national religion as its only compass is much more of a theocracy than a democracy. That kind of tyranny leads to witch burning, spiritual genocide, forced and fraudulent expressions of faith, and God knows what else. As wonderful as faith is, faith out of control can be lethal.
I love democracy because it is designed to keep the government from telling me when and how to serve communion, and it allows room for debate without dominance. Religious people will never agree on everything within or outside of the bounds of the church. Democracy allows that debate without polluting it further with political intervention as long as that debate doesn’t infringe on another human’s rights. Lately, it is my view that religion has become increasingly a servant to politics, and whenever a flame is needed to move a candidate or party closer to power, they ignite the flame of the faith community by playing on controversial issues and fear. This isn’t new religious jargon; it’s the same lingo that moved the civil rights movement forward. It disannulled the religious language that slave owners used to justify their hideous abuse of African men and women in our history. Communism enforced an atheistic view that denied its citizens the pursuit of an open practice of faith."
To read whole article go to: http://www.tdjenterprises.com/blog/?p=85
We should not fall into the error that our way is the best way. Too many bloody wars and conflicts have been fought in God's name, which in the end brought nothing but shame and disdain for the message of the Cross. I know I am surrounded by passionate men and women who no matter what will hold to their beliefs and even die for them if necessary. So be it. Nonetheless, my ardent prayer is for openness in dialogue. A simple acknowledgment that we are called to love, to love one another and more importantly, to love our enemies. How will people know how great HE is if we, His representatives, insist on going the way of giving God lip service and futile attempts to honor Him with our vain traditions? Will it not only serve to drive away those who are in need of the power of the Cross and the freedom it provides to all who follow? We must learn to love our enemies and stop giving lip service to the often used rhetoric among religious people: "God loves the sinner but hates the Sin". This is just another way of condoning the right to condemn alternative lifestyles and promote tha language of avoidance and deep seated hatred of what we do not understand.
This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 United States License.
Confessions of the Heart, Observations from the viewpoint of Brokenness, Insights into Inner Struggles, Manifestations of Raw Emotions, and Personal Revelations of a God who loves US through it all.
Thursday, November 26, 2009
Tuesday, November 24, 2009
Monday, November 23, 2009
Feelings of Rejection and What to do in the Midst of It
I consider myself fortunate to have many more supportive people than adversaries surrounding me. People who have loved me through the many traumatic events of my life and when the fear of rejection has reared its ugly head, have come alongside me and reminded me of my worth in God's eyes. Today was no less different. I made my way to Church with a heavy heart and full of fearful expectation that today would be the day when my worst fears would finally manifest and deal me a heavy and irreversible blow. This is the irrational thing about fears; it tends to loom bigger and more ominous than the truth and light of God's affirming touch. At least, this is how it tends to feel during those moments when one starts to doubt that love could ever remain faithful. Yet, this love comes through every single time, and gently reminds me how unyielding it is in the presence of my doubts and fears. This amazing love, somehow always wins me over and brings me safely to the other side.
It has been an extremely long week for me as I have dealt with the lies of rejection. Same old lies.
"You are not good enough..."
"People will turn away from you and abandon you for good."
"God Himself can't love you..."
And so on. It's enough to make grown men want to lie down and hide under the covers for days on end.
Can't really tell you what led to this present bout at the present moment since I want to be careful not to fall under the old patterns of lashing out against those I believe have in any way let me down or betrayed me. No, this time around I am determined to allow myself and others the benefit of believing the best about a given situation and not jump to conclusions. But it hurts like hell nonetheless. Rejection falls over my shoulders like an ill-fitted leaden garment. It slows my steps and causes me to move cumbersomely. I lose the will to dance when rejection makes it presence known.
Through it all, I want to believe and trust God that no matter how bad things may look or feel, I will get through it and become a better person because of whatever I may have to endure for the moment.
All this to say, regardless of what my emotions say about my situation, I am in a good place and well on the path to experiencing greater levels of truth and freedom; two key elements of wholeness and health in overcoming rejection. Call it blind optimism but deep down I believe that "All things work for the good of those who love God, and are called according to His purposes." I believe it. I hold firmly to it in the face of my overwhelming and irrational fears.
Perfect love casts out all fear.
It has been an extremely long week for me as I have dealt with the lies of rejection. Same old lies.
"You are not good enough..."
"People will turn away from you and abandon you for good."
"God Himself can't love you..."
And so on. It's enough to make grown men want to lie down and hide under the covers for days on end.
Can't really tell you what led to this present bout at the present moment since I want to be careful not to fall under the old patterns of lashing out against those I believe have in any way let me down or betrayed me. No, this time around I am determined to allow myself and others the benefit of believing the best about a given situation and not jump to conclusions. But it hurts like hell nonetheless. Rejection falls over my shoulders like an ill-fitted leaden garment. It slows my steps and causes me to move cumbersomely. I lose the will to dance when rejection makes it presence known.
Through it all, I want to believe and trust God that no matter how bad things may look or feel, I will get through it and become a better person because of whatever I may have to endure for the moment.
All this to say, regardless of what my emotions say about my situation, I am in a good place and well on the path to experiencing greater levels of truth and freedom; two key elements of wholeness and health in overcoming rejection. Call it blind optimism but deep down I believe that "All things work for the good of those who love God, and are called according to His purposes." I believe it. I hold firmly to it in the face of my overwhelming and irrational fears.
Perfect love casts out all fear.
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